Natural spiritual journeys

Natural spiritual journeys

Hmm I guess this question is not a wired one of todays happenings and everyone, everything has its own reasoning behind what they do and believe in. It’s not extremely wrong or right as long as no one is being hurt in expense of others. So my nature is Empathetic it’s been this way from as far as I can remember I guess the realisation was when I wept real tears in my sleep literally woke up with tears in my eyes on my cheeks and confusion in my heart. That morning my family had found out a dear family friend has passed away. I was really young at this point. A lot of other situations acured some I can’t pin point. But I definitely take on peoples energy and try to help them. Then I realise that they are using me to take my energy and leave. Which has been pretty obvious come to think of it. I’d get a random phone call from somone I have not spoken to in ages and then we’d talk about how they are feeling. Then I don’t hear from them. Strange it is and makes me feel rejected and used unwanted. This could be from almost any one. And I question myself and ended up in a deep depression for ages. I was unable to work as I got sacked I failed university. I was taking on tooo many problems and none of them were my personal self but others. If I understood this properly I’d of tried to find a way to harness my energy and focus on myself. I was able to connect directly to whom I wanted to. No powers used here but intuition unless you call this a power. All this was like 10 years ago. I tried to go to church tried seeking into religion, as soon as I step in I could feel peoples vybz. I remember going to a Church in Birmingham I took the courage to go. It felt overwhelming and somewhat uplifting I wept, the energy was exploding outwards. I only went once, it was nice but too much. I ended up moving back to Nottingham with great regret as I was growing up in Birmingham despite still having my energy pulled out of me. I just didn’t get how to hold back helping others and not myself. I don’t think anyone realised what they were doing to me. I felt attacked spiritually like all these thoughts were just piled on top of me and I couldn’t breath I could just see myself trying to escape and get out. I attracted more stress for myself narrsasistic relationships, friendships soo much falseness. Felt like I was being tested for something but it all didn’t make sense. My feelings didn’t matter to the hurting. Besides everyone hurting I became disencitised and detached to my own needs of comfort and help. I suppressed it sooo compactly and tight I was able to listen and tried to call for help back but it was not listened to much. So my OKs where a false ok. It always felt like something was wrong with me. I started complaining about most things and people. I disliked this in me. The moment anyone really asked if I was OK felt toooo much like “they can see me, I am not invisible” but I couldn’t let them know how I felt I cried but felt too exposed to actually say how I felt. It felt like they were trying to steal energy from me. So I became enclose and overprotective. I was like if no one was going to protect me then I will. I am my baby myself, love myself. I can’t do what I can’t handle. This mind set got me into little arguments. It had to. To many people of all types no matter where got away with treating me a certain way. I wasn’t having any of this. No more no more no matter who it was. I may be able to heal to an extent but I was unable to move away from what was just pushed out onto me ie people problems.

 

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