my life right now 

my life right now 

raisaartist

So much has changed in life. Changes happen just as we speak. We loose cells that are being recreated we have breathed so many breaths we don’t even recognise.

We take in amazing amounts of information

But we are only trained to understand some.

We underevaluate pain and suffering

But it’s quite possible to die

Than to be cured because we have already given up in mind.

I’ve lost a few

Friends lost my first love

And that hurt me bad

But I got to see them again.

They never died

But my Nana died.

I never truly gave the thought to

Sayings because they had a depth

The depth I was in denial to.

They say you never know what you had

Until it’s gone.

Some come and go

And some never return.

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Learning things

Learning things

Sometimes we take on situations that are not ours to take on. Things that have nothing to do with us. All on the part of being loyal. So biggest part of my life was being nice. Listening loving helping. Just a thought was it loving or just saving did I or do I want to save people from themselves and then if it upset somone else I end up juggling who should be saved now really who. Now that I clearly understand I am not a superhero for sure but deep down in my mind I had this vision that, that person can now smile be free. I just didn’t learn to think for myself and gp with the full heart regardless of who it hurts. I guess it’s the pure fact of being present for somone else in expense of it hurting somone else. Coz if you stop doing what you felt right to do in order to be a person pleaser. That person who wanted you to change has now nothing to benifit you so you are on your own now. Making a juggling show of pleasing until the show is on you.

Lil boy apologies

Lil boy apologies

He said he  was sorry

Sorry for being upset crying

Having tears racing down his face.

He’s so sorry that he wasn’t as strong as a super hero.

I said son, tears allow you to have strength, because without it superheroes won’t be able to smile.

Each smile saves the day. Strength is not shown only by muscle but the ability to cry and understand that it’s OK.

 

2017

2017

2017

The year I lost my nana

Felt what fear, loss and love really felt like.

Faced my nan and held her hands tight.

But, for the first time she couldn’t hear me right.

Didn’t see her smile or feel her breathing.

Saw death for the first time.

Was my nana laying there.

No more work for you to do nana

You can lay there and rest now,

No more pain nana

It’s strange to me to not hear your voice.

Right now it’s but apart of my imagination.

I knew I’d be facing this reality one day. Just didn’t kno how much pain really feels.

I used to miss people but that now seems like a joke to me coz I can still see those people but I can never see you again.

The day you passed away I walked into your house and all I could smell was you. X

 

 

How did you do that

How did you do that

Soh coming owta 2017 its now blooming 2018.And it baffles meh Ow, we as a society and a people actually follow everyone’s behinds and then wonder why our dreams, aims and objectives in life are not met. It’s like yall eating pie with ice cream right and I can’t eat it but guess what I eat it go home and yes feel the pain after. It’s like we don’t really and truly give two shits about ourselves. If we did none of the flappyness would be able to happen. What happened to teaching kids self awareness and respect rather than installing you must respect everything and everyone first. “it’s alright beautiful put people first and be kind”. Wrong! Analyse the situation and make a decision whether you want to be kind to that person if they deserve it. We telling our babies to sell um selves short according to society. Yet they look upto their adult parent/career, who are not setting the correct standards for them to look upto. They are taught to be kind and share then they see an adult walk passed homeless person and not offer to help.!!!!  It’s all bobandtail.

Darkness is better than the light

Darkness is better than the light

They say darkness is a bad place

A sad place

A mad place

The creepy place

The evil place

What if you turned it upside down.

I say the light is a strange place

An open space

The mad place

A sad place

A creepy place.

It’s a place where all is aware.

As of the darkness it’s where I found myself. In the state of realisation and silence no one around me but my

Thoughts grew in abundance.

Trying to climb out of stretch out of reach of jump out of.

The darkness.

Which in the end was but a reflection of myself that I was taught was bad.

Sometimes you seek self In unfamiliar ways.

Your light may be found in the darkness. Where your darkness may be found within the light.