Where does the change begin?

Where does the change begin?

Exactly what I thought where does it begin and how much work is needed for it to become a reality. I have struggled alot but learned a tremendous lot. Trying different things out. Some strategies work and some don’t. One thing I have learnt is that you are capable of achieving if only you are able to work out what works best for you. And have an understanding that what is for other people isn’t for you. Don’t expect the results to be the same as others. Work hard on what works well for you. It could take quadruple trials in order for you to find what works. Don’t beat your self up regardless and celebrate your upcomings. And access your down comings. Being able to be my own supporter has done good for me. Without expecting others to just jump at my needs. But it has also had its short comings. In not being able to ask for help at the results to being too needy or weak. I had to reacess the reason to why I don’t ask for help. And I guess it stems from not getting the right k

Kind of help at the time needed. Situations could have been serious to none serious. How people react always or may be the result of a situation they have been in. So from an experience point. I have realised that we can force someone to see things our way or the high way. The world really isn’t such a place where everyone is on the same level. Knowing this has made me have a calmer approach when people disagree or when I disagree.

This does not own a title

This does not own a title

I am interested in mindfulness, actually my mind is in alot of different things and books. And still seeking an awareness of self control and organising. It last for a couple of days. And it’s easy to get tired running around after child then after myself and the house it’s like a merry go round only thing missing is the relaxing part. And then the parents come around and the house doesn’t look how it should to them. But hey okay it would be too much a stress if it was to be squeeky clean like realistically cannot be done with a 3 year old who would rather my time over cleaning any time of the day. Sooo yeah looking at procrastinating and the want for child to be happy I cannot find the room to be impressing outwardly. Unless it’s my designs and the art I am producing. You can get so gassed running around after people what may please their eyes be it for 5 mins is not worth the fuss and anxiety brought on by them. Or anyone. Imagine you are happy not everyone will be happy for you. And their reasoning may be the reflection of themselves unless it’s a life and death situation. I don’t want to hear it. Anxiety is a thing that I have, but I have found ways to combat it and kno certain signals and signs that trigger it. The main one is impressing people, just constantly pleasing and putting people in first and putting self last. It’s a thing that was taught as being polite. When does politeness become too much when do you stop or calm down. I mean sometimes it became an obsession. Until I truly got left behind and stabbed in the back really deeply. My gosh did it put me into some next feelings and emotions. When you fall it feel like you are stuck in a well and no one can hear or see you. Or they chose to ignore you.

We just get to say it

We just get to say it

Just sitting looking back at the whole of the year gone. 10 months in and sooo much has happened it all seems jam packed like no month has had nothing happen. Maybe it’s the way I process the load of information and happenings. What a year 2017 has been with only couple months left. Nah it felt unreal most of the time but tooo real at the same time. Close relatives passed away my nana and many of her friends passed away. The multiple mass killings around the world like how many. I am aware of this happening all year around but I think because my Nana died a whole lot of things stick out further. Or more within this year. 2017,I can see people writing and producing movies about this very time that we are living in. But like 30/50 years later. Imagine it’s been a lot I just hope that 2018 is a little easier though it’s easier to say it and wish it.

Love questions

Love questions

Love who the hell are
You

Like really why you so
Popular like?
Love
Love is it a myth or
Reality
Is it something or someone?

Love let’s sit down and talk for a while.

I think love got mixed up with Oragasmic short circuits.

I mean that feeling feels quite electrifying.

I guess it makes a better connection
When love is wired up.

You see love don’t always come from
The stuff you stick in the toaster.

I believe it comes from the inner
Place where you connect none
Physically.

They would say it’s a more spiritual thing.

So love why you always dropping out of peoples mouths and do they no
The difference between love and lust?
Not ust because ust is a long way from dropping the l In lust.

Love romantically and love caringly gets a slap on both sides of the face. Some desire you to love them like it’s a weakness and some want you to love them like no other then throw the same love back in your face.

They don’t want to here you love coz you care oh no.

So love please can we work something out.

Concentrate on

Concentrate on

Imagine all that understanding of your self was more important than gossip and what’s on the tv. More important than just putting anything into it like a garbage bin. Imagine that you cared for your body and protected it like a religious person protects their beliefs. Imagine how you could actively protect your own belongings and that’s you. We protect babies and not ourselves like we just give up. I get myself In trouble for protecting myself. Even the information and people’s presence can get in. Our bodies are the only ones we have. It’s so easy to project care onto objects and things that can occupy the space in our minds. With things that don’t really matter. Sometimes I get curious why putting on my makeup wrongly does not get to me at all. I just rub it off and reapply. I am a mother who doesn’t have the time to glam up. Working on it but it’s not too important. This could get me angry and upset when it’s just an eye brow. My time is best spent focusing on something I kno needs my time. We need to kno what our time is spent on whether it’s wasted time or productive time. I waste time on social media that is only if I am not doing anything productive. That is my guilty pleasure I guess. Depends how you define that.

(will be writing more)