Lil boy apologies

Lil boy apologies

He said he  was sorry

Sorry for being upset crying

Having tears racing down his face.

He’s so sorry that he wasn’t as strong as a super hero.

I said son, tears allow you to have strength, because without it superheroes won’t be able to smile.

Each smile saves the day. Strength is not shown only by muscle but the ability to cry and understand that it’s OK.

 

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2017

2017

2017

The year I lost my nana

Felt what fear, loss and love really felt like.

Faced my nan and held her hands tight.

But, for the first time she couldn’t hear me right.

Didn’t see her smile or feel her breathing.

Saw death for the first time.

Was my nana laying there.

No more work for you to do nana

You can lay there and rest now,

No more pain nana

It’s strange to me to not hear your voice.

Right now it’s but apart of my imagination.

I knew I’d be facing this reality one day. Just didn’t kno how much pain really feels.

I used to miss people but that now seems like a joke to me coz I can still see those people but I can never see you again.

The day you passed away I walked into your house and all I could smell was you. X

 

 

How did you do that

How did you do that

Soh coming owta 2017 its now blooming 2018.And it baffles meh Ow, we as a society and a people actually follow everyone’s behinds and then wonder why our dreams, aims and objectives in life are not met. It’s like yall eating pie with ice cream right and I can’t eat it but guess what I eat it go home and yes feel the pain after. It’s like we don’t really and truly give two shits about ourselves. If we did none of the flappyness would be able to happen. What happened to teaching kids self awareness and respect rather than installing you must respect everything and everyone first. “it’s alright beautiful put people first and be kind”. Wrong! Analyse the situation and make a decision whether you want to be kind to that person if they deserve it. We telling our babies to sell um selves short according to society. Yet they look upto their adult parent/career, who are not setting the correct standards for them to look upto. They are taught to be kind and share then they see an adult walk passed homeless person and not offer to help.!!!!  It’s all bobandtail.

Darkness is better than the light

Darkness is better than the light

They say darkness is a bad place

A sad place

A mad place

The creepy place

The evil place

What if you turned it upside down.

I say the light is a strange place

An open space

The mad place

A sad place

A creepy place.

It’s a place where all is aware.

As of the darkness it’s where I found myself. In the state of realisation and silence no one around me but my

Thoughts grew in abundance.

Trying to climb out of stretch out of reach of jump out of.

The darkness.

Which in the end was but a reflection of myself that I was taught was bad.

Sometimes you seek self In unfamiliar ways.

Your light may be found in the darkness. Where your darkness may be found within the light.

 

Why tho init

Why tho init

Why oh why

Can’t I get my self together

Slightly rightly tightly

Politely inspiringly

But I am tired.

Single mom syndrome

Nope don’t agree erm

You are doing very well they say

From the outside looking in

When you well and kno

Sometimes it feels like you are doing

An awful job. I mean you can’t even get ya sen dressed not looking nice

Only just pulled ya socks on and

Out the door dodge mirrors and say we are ok things are looking up.

You send child to nursery and walk along the road side see homeless and wish you were Superhero.

Don’t worry child things will get better.

Feeling intuned with many things minds popping because material things are just another skin, another you.

Whilst these things are not accessible you learn the skin your in I guess for me I learn more from being without and slowly becoming comfortable. The whole you are doing well is not helpful sometimes that I want to be invisible like my single mother status does not define me. It’s a fact and maybe all I kno. I guess this society sees this as a negative thing I see it slightly especially if something was to happen to me and my son and their is no one to come and protect us. When I hear coupled people going through something like needing help from the partners I’ve learned to not hold malice and just except that, it is a privilege that they have a family unite. Being a single parent you have to be both masculine and feminine and I have felt like I have been forgetting my feminine energy their for not attracting anyone as such. This writing has gone everywhere but I guess writing in the real world isn’t all calm and smooth.

I want to

I want to

Ready to go find me

A somone

Someone who can hold onto me

Hug me like they been looking for me

For way to long

And they have finally found me

I was hiding from my own reflection.

But now I am ready to be found.

Deep inside I feel like we are playing hide and seek and your just hiding

And that’s OK.

It’s been a while, thought love was for everyone but me.

I was wrong, I have love to pour out.