Met a woman who works as a carer on the tram the other day. She had two young women caring for one of them had a beautiful contagious laugh, to some people they would think it’s annoying. To me it’s the most beautiful situation to be in. I cought the laugh and joined in. Sometimes you forget to smile to laugh and this reminded me about life. I am sure that I mentioned these people before in a post if I have they make an impact on me every time I see them.
Nothing in life is free but it’s accessible.
I won’t tell my child that.
The world owes him nothing
But he owes the word to himself.
Everything is brought even if it’s not by currency its by time.
Nothing is free this word needs to be dissolved. Free equates to 0.
You receive something free because you are poor, it’s not free because you had to be poor in order to recive.
Free 30 hours child care well the posters need changing because that ain’t free.
Free food but you had to travel to recive and your travel expenses are not covered.
Stop throwing free around the word has no substance, don’t expect anything for free sometimes there is a consequence don’t forget to ask.
Ima call out loud
Who ever is listening.
To the skin that I’m
Living in its all OK you can breath now.
To the hair on my scalp it’s OK no
More chemicals now.
I’ll protect you don’t need to hide from you.
For the height that I stand. You are OK even blessed to have legs some people haven’t got them.
To the nose that I have its only for my face it belongs to me. No amount of hating, won’t let me change my face. Can’t change my hair or change my race and it’s all OK. I won’t be famous for being self embarrassed. I just want to leave a world where everyone loves them selves. Soon every insecure person will be in debt too look identical to each other whilst none of their children won’t resemble their own mother no more. It all depends on the reasons you changed faces if it’s for sanity then don’t start teaching your kids about self love.
I write on this blog because I like to write and I love to talk. I don’t hold back much because I have an awful lot to say. I am not afraid of what I have to say. I don’t try to pretty things up. Life isn’t really pretty it’s what ever lense we choose to look through.
Where would I like this to end up? Well I see myself as a worldly person still learning and on some kind of journey where everything and every day is like a completely new experience even if you did the same thing yesterday. Nothing is the same and of you have the chance in life to create the dream life for yourself then I would say go for it. Through out the years I have built confidence in just writing poetry and just get it out there. Regardless of my dyslexia which I have pulled up and edited my poetry for the sake of being more professional. I have still put it out. This blog is a true mirror of my personality and that is the Image I wanted to portray. I want it to look abit more professional though and incorporate some visual arts into it. It’s all about evolving and evolution today is now and tomorrow is then. I am so appreciative of the people who follow and support me. It gives me a little comfort in knowing that I have the chance to just be myself in such a way. That ten years earlier I’d of asked permission to be myself and to be told to redo my gcse threw me backwards. Like a screaming cat with no voice. Trying to prove how intelligent I actually am. But now days what is intelligence measured by and does it hold key’s for success?
I lost games
Lost self in all of this
But it somehow won.
Lost something but gain
A detachment from a material item
That I am a slave to.
Exactly what I thought where does it begin and how much work is needed for it to become a reality. I have struggled alot but learned a tremendous lot. Trying different things out. Some strategies work and some don’t. One thing I have learnt is that you are capable of achieving if only you are able to work out what works best for you. And have an understanding that what is for other people isn’t for you. Don’t expect the results to be the same as others. Work hard on what works well for you. It could take quadruple trials in order for you to find what works. Don’t beat your self up regardless and celebrate your upcomings. And access your down comings. Being able to be my own supporter has done good for me. Without expecting others to just jump at my needs. But it has also had its short comings. In not being able to ask for help at the results to being too needy or weak. I had to reacess the reason to why I don’t ask for help. And I guess it stems from not getting the right k
Kind of help at the time needed. Situations could have been serious to none serious. How people react always or may be the result of a situation they have been in. So from an experience point. I have realised that we can force someone to see things our way or the high way. The world really isn’t such a place where everyone is on the same level. Knowing this has made me have a calmer approach when people disagree or when I disagree.
I am interested in mindfulness, actually my mind is in alot of different things and books. And still seeking an awareness of self control and organising. It last for a couple of days. And it’s easy to get tired running around after child then after myself and the house it’s like a merry go round only thing missing is the relaxing part. And then the parents come around and the house doesn’t look how it should to them. But hey okay it would be too much a stress if it was to be squeeky clean like realistically cannot be done with a 3 year old who would rather my time over cleaning any time of the day. Sooo yeah looking at procrastinating and the want for child to be happy I cannot find the room to be impressing outwardly. Unless it’s my designs and the art I am producing. You can get so gassed running around after people what may please their eyes be it for 5 mins is not worth the fuss and anxiety brought on by them. Or anyone. Imagine you are happy not everyone will be happy for you. And their reasoning may be the reflection of themselves unless it’s a life and death situation. I don’t want to hear it. Anxiety is a thing that I have, but I have found ways to combat it and kno certain signals and signs that trigger it. The main one is impressing people, just constantly pleasing and putting people in first and putting self last. It’s a thing that was taught as being polite. When does politeness become too much when do you stop or calm down. I mean sometimes it became an obsession. Until I truly got left behind and stabbed in the back really deeply. My gosh did it put me into some next feelings and emotions. When you fall it feel like you are stuck in a well and no one can hear or see you. Or they chose to ignore you.