I have been rubbing shoulders with like awesome amazing people. I’m not one to boast but when it’s over I can and will. So I took part in a commission research programme and event exhibition on the black arts movement based in the UK. This was led by Barbe Asante a artist Educator and curator. To be able to be apart of something exciting for me I am a humble modest person but fully take the opportunities available to me serious. Working with Barby was very interesting as the knowledge she had and how she listened to us and how we learnt new skills made me take myself a little more serious.
Its abit okey dokey ish about things like were the head at does it, listen really?
Do you always listen to yourself? or do you get trapped into putting more information on top of what you are supposed to, like second guessing, Well my hands are up I always do this its like the glass is never full, with more things to do and my head feels like a chicken on the chicken run going to school to pick up her kids, JOKes aside,
Its for real tho we live in a society where material things are like the best thing, It really isnt but for me making material things is like winning the lottery I am soo proud of myself like did these hands of mine create something that just popped into my mind and wallaaaa its there . Yano its never enough sometimes. Like to be able to want material things now and turn off the fact that I could am willing to make a life career for me and my son or do I just sit there on Facebook. Watching those loved up and making things for themselves. And then I get a click like who am I kidding am I really going to watch people that seem to be rich in the hand and maybe not as rich in the mind, I guess it’s twooo completely different, I mean who I am is who I am born to be, Its like you see those that have a made life for them. uno married kids, driving and now owns a house, the same ones that you grew up with and them you once shared food with, Don’t seem to want to give you a lift up. They cannot offer you a phone call a lift up. And then I get another moment it told me that okay do you really want these people to lift you up?
that is something you must ask yourself, we could and I could sit here watching my phone and nothing coming through. Or I could sit at my desk throwing out some designs and creating art writing on my blog, And think of games to play and outings for my son. Sometimes lonely times make you feel like the outcast or the child in primary school that all of a sudden has a lurgy bug and they want to run away from you, Or they want to just visit you to say what they have. yeeha aaa. It’s all hormonal and it will pass for tomorrow. Its like this you are either privileged with it all or privileged with nothing.
I have engaged in Art projects around Nottingham and willing to push further out into the East Midlands region. My art form personally is poetry and jewellery design but I can see myself being more of a mixed visual experimental artist. I have a wider outstanding experience in the industry I have always wanted to be a part of. I have had academic set backs during school and college due to my dyslexia that was diagnosed in university and English and maths academia. If I was to go back through the system I would ask the teacher certain questions but I understand that they are working to live and the school is only standing on passing grades but most things they teach has nothing to do with life skills. Our kids bust their brains learning things that will never help them get a job or how to be confident. Children are taught how to be quite. For convenience of others. Children are not supposed to be that quiet. They are meant to be what their age is. They are quickly suppressed then we get suicidal, secretive angry teenagers who have been told to shut up and respect the orders. How are they supposed to repect when respect has not been shown. It’s frustrating that I feel a lot freer now. The people who have respect for me and my work or help I would never imagine in a hundred years. I believe that a child should grasp as much of the world as it’s mind can digest the school system does not make the minds eat real knowledge. It forces paper and rules down their mouth. Rules are OK as long as they don’t demean the person.
Who saw more pain
In the world than In
That woman who tried to
Fix back a broken vase
As a child because she did not
Want a telling off
She wanted it to look perfect
She never knew that she would
Become an anxious woman
That just felt the need to fix everything around
She sought to fix people
Even the ones who snapped her
Like a pencil
As fragile as she became to herself
She still managed to be strong
She would splutt words of kindness
Words of life
Spin up concoctions of teas and food
She would hold on to the wounds
In the pits of hands
Clean up the very sick from
The spew on your clothes
Make sure you look presentable
Her face didn’t scarn you once.
They had stepped all over her good
Nature created weeds in her garden
And she created life with those weeds.
We in a world
Where being fearless
Takes money from the big man’s
Being fearful makes other people think
You need their fear placed upon
You for protection.
Fear is a blocking state of mind
It works for or against you.
No fear the same but a man who is
Fearless is frowned upon.
He is seen as a rebel because he is not
Sitting back waiting for a
Miracle to appear
He realises that he is the miracle
Who will appear to himself.
So this is quite different from my usual. And has a mind boggling affect in my present mind thoughts. I look at my son and think what should I leave for him, in this world and what could he leave for other people and so forth. So I have started to do vlogs hopefully they will be of use to anyone. I am a raw person no smooth edges tho I’d like to be smooth I guess the more real I am the more relatable I am. I can talk from a place of worry to a place of problem solving. I see a huge difference in communities and peoples attitudes towards buying and saving. The government dose not give you an option to save and jobs these days don’t offer stability. Right now it’s banging heads against walls and dissing society that seems to have us stuck but it is the society we are comfortable living in and then dissing. It’s like an abusive relationship with something you know is bad and you are fighting against it but it’s all you know.
I hear issues in my own community which is black Afro Carribean from the UK. We face so much discrimination racial, sexual you name it. Our kids are targeted by this very energy from a young age. I remember cradling my womb whilst repeatedly hearing the shooting of black men, boys and women by the police. I’m am a black woman giving birth to a black boy whom at the age of 10 would be automatically seen as a black man in this society compared to the white boys and other races who are the same age. They could be acting the same playing the same but my son would be out numberd this is a fact. He is seen as cute and adorable but it doesn’t last. What I am saying is opportunities are not equal in society so how can we build a community where we can review how we can internally build an economy and confidence in self. I am for learning and teaching.
May fall for you
May fall asleep
May hold onto you
May let go of you
May run away
She said to him
Answering his lengthy questions.
How do you convince yourself that proud and pride isn’t wrong especially isn’t guilty
Or being happy isn’t wrong
If you expect to just be frown full
You think people are taking a joke when they
Are being serious but ya can’t be serious
Doubt is too real
Than happiness is
Like a poof of
Diareahed pup pooh