2017

2017

2017

The year I lost my nana

Felt what fear, loss and love really felt like.

Faced my nan and held her hands tight.

But, for the first time she couldn’t hear me right.

Didn’t see her smile or feel her breathing.

Saw death for the first time.

Was my nana laying there.

No more work for you to do nana

You can lay there and rest now,

No more pain nana

It’s strange to me to not hear your voice.

Right now it’s but apart of my imagination.

I knew I’d be facing this reality one day. Just didn’t kno how much pain really feels.

I used to miss people but that now seems like a joke to me coz I can still see those people but I can never see you again.

The day you passed away I walked into your house and all I could smell was you. X

 

 

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How do you grieve 

How do you grieve 

I asked how do you do this 

To the space of silence 

Waiting for the one woman who could 

Answer this question 

But no answer received as she lay 

Down eyes closed lifeless 

Empty bodied nothing but the image 

Of the lively person Was all I knew. 

How do I live with out you. 

How 

Because all my life I was always around you. 

You were my nana and it’s taken me ages to place you in passed tense, because saying was felt like I was disrespecting you, I mean you are a ‘you are’. 

In reality you are a was and I can’t get my head around this. I can imagine the things that you say and do. And you aren’t doing them now. 

What kind of reality are we living in. You are really not here. Some try to say that you are looking down on us that you are close by. 

I have you in my heart just didn’t prepare myself for not being able to see you again. 
I love you nana x