I am interested in mindfulness, actually my mind is in alot of different things and books. And still seeking an awareness of self control and organising. It last for a couple of days. And it’s easy to get tired running around after child then after myself and the house it’s like a merry go round only thing missing is the relaxing part. And then the parents come around and the house doesn’t look how it should to them. But hey okay it would be too much a stress if it was to be squeeky clean like realistically cannot be done with a 3 year old who would rather my time over cleaning any time of the day. Sooo yeah looking at procrastinating and the want for child to be happy I cannot find the room to be impressing outwardly. Unless it’s my designs and the art I am producing. You can get so gassed running around after people what may please their eyes be it for 5 mins is not worth the fuss and anxiety brought on by them. Or anyone. Imagine you are happy not everyone will be happy for you. And their reasoning may be the reflection of themselves unless it’s a life and death situation. I don’t want to hear it. Anxiety is a thing that I have, but I have found ways to combat it and kno certain signals and signs that trigger it. The main one is impressing people, just constantly pleasing and putting people in first and putting self last. It’s a thing that was taught as being polite. When does politeness become too much when do you stop or calm down. I mean sometimes it became an obsession. Until I truly got left behind and stabbed in the back really deeply. My gosh did it put me into some next feelings and emotions. When you fall it feel like you are stuck in a well and no one can hear or see you. Or they chose to ignore you.