Feeling unavailable r

Feeling unavailable r

Sometimes you can feel unavailable but available at the same time. I have felt this alot. And maybe a source of irrational panic of wanting to help out and give advice all the time. Don’t no what Bipolar feels like but sort of could imagine it in small ways. Like high energy and burst of. Come to a realisation of myself and its not that I didn’t notice its just that I carried on. And didn’t do what’s in my nature instead I created a paranamic view of everything and everyone in my life and started panicking Trying to help out. I am a single mother who is an artist with plenty of opportunity’s. And sometimes I want to share everything even to the free bottle of wine. Not even sure how I come across maybe pushy. I have a nack for research and finding focus groups coupons and free things and I don’t stop. So let’s say I am not looking for a normal traditional job but what I am passionate about. And I have this it’s my show mentality I am fully aware of it and its just one of those things especially if it’s just you and child in the house no adult to talk to then suddenly an adult calls and such you can’t stop talking and you’re on high energy. Where is it from like what is all of that. Then Boom! Poof you get a low or no one is interested or you are feeling a bit pushy trying to save the world with an invisible hero cape! Soaring through. So I dig into my past and I am like why do I panic for other people when I clearly can’t see it around me. Like everyone seems to be sane like laid back and probably doing what makes them feel good. Where as me not really living my truth and knowing or understanding if the messenger or helper was a given. Or I just adopted it by accident and ran with it. Understanding that it will be a journey for it all to change and for me to stop giving advice and attention and focus on me and my son. Keep my lips sealed and nod or say bare minimum. I have to go cold turkey and be selfish keep my advice to myself my free things. The new nack and listen more. Probably use my energy to transfer into something else. Stay away from people for a few days or weeks. Don’t know if anyone else feels like this at all. Just learning how to keep my business to myself and invest in me to move forward. Has anyone got a similar story?

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Why I love art

Why I love art

I love art because it has its own meaning storey versus titles. It has a voice that dose not always need to speak. It has a natural form when loving art becomes the reality of life that you are able to see in between forms. It is like the shadow that I tried to ignor

as if art is just art like just a painting a child has drawn

As if art is just art something that had no fort of

its but a paper thats torn.

As if arts just something to stare at that has no meaning at

all.

No

Art to me is something that I am made of

its not a thing though its more

an organ connected to the bloodstreams in

my body

it is like a connective character in the sentence

which makes it longer than using only 5 words.

Its another world that is behind the words

on the paper that I have to squint because

I forgot my specs

it’s but a force that erupts inside of me

sparks a light bulb on my head top

and I can use it whenever I need to

it’s free to me because my mind is engulfed in my

own meaning and feelings.

it is indescribable unless you

are inside my mind.

its the voice of the ancestors living through

me subconsciously

 

 

My Jewelery creations

My Jewelery creations

Here is another part of my life I ENJOY  creating jewellery right from the thought process to the finished product. Along with my self-love and life structuring, I must learn to appreciate all that I can do and I have. Sometimes it takes not seeing a creation for a while for me to actually absorb that I created that and it looks “astonishing” wala. I am a more humble person through upbringing. Now that I have my son I want him to realise that the world is at your fingertips you can spin wool into your future and actually turn it into gold. Just by being who you want to be seeing your dreams and walking into it like a scene on Mary poppings. I started my dream but became pregnant. The upside to it is that I have more confidence to move forward than I had before.