Actually

Dust fell on top

of my left eyelid

it was light but somewhat heavy

it felt like how we mystify the stars

in the sky when they are really rocks

or the soft falling of snow

that freezes your eyeball

no It felt somewhat comforting

uno a piece of speckly dust

that chose to fall on my eye

unlike sitting on the bus or

the tram with an empty space

beside of me

watching people dodge the seat or

sit down only because….

but this speck of dust chose me.

sounds strange but we miss the things

that now seem unimportant to us

in exchange for the things that are really

not that important to us.

we can dismiss the falling of the leaves

and the coming of new leaves

just like we forget what we had to do

in order to make a weeks lunch for

the family.

I guess we should write our down comings

so we don’t forget how human we are

trying to be inhuman and not knowing

how to cope in a world that expects us to be

superhuman like the films we binge watch

trying to create a world that is only for the screen

and when the film finishes

put the news on.

And then

And then

reality kicks in

the war is still on and no

I cannot see no superhuman hero

flying in the sky

saving those dying kids

putting out that fire

fighting those baddies

argghhh Baddies if only

what we put our most into

What

served us its time.

time spent in an unrealistic

world.

 

what obstecals do we face

what obstacles do you face?

we face things like self-doubt

self hate

we put words in our minds

and swear someone else has said it

we look into the mirror

and sigh each time coz that person

looking back is the only one

that can keep us down

I guess it’s when we can’t look into

our own reflection

well for me its familiarising

myself from the one I think I look like

from the inside or is it the other way around?

It’s the use of negative language that has become

so natural

it’s not being able to celebrate self in case others

feel away.

it’s saying sorry for your happiness as though it’s

a curse.

It’s building up imaginary blocks

imagining yourself climbing it

no Imagining yourself not climbing it

because you are far too afraid of falling

and having to get back up again.

gETTING ABIT jiggled up

Its abit okey dokey ish about things like were the head at does  it,  listen really?

Do you always listen to yourself? or do you get trapped into putting more information on top of what you are supposed to,  like second guessing, Well my hands are up I always do this its like the glass is never full,  with more things to do and my head feels like a chicken on the chicken run going to school to pick up her kids, JOKes aside,

Its for real tho we live in a society where material things are like the best thing, It really isnt but for me making material things is like winning the lottery I am soo proud of myself like did these hands of mine create something that just popped into my mind and wallaaaa its there . Yano its never enough sometimes. Like to be able to want material things now and turn off the fact that I could am willing to make a life career for me and my son or do I just sit there on Facebook.  Watching those loved up and making things for themselves. And then I get a click like who am I kidding am I really going to watch people that seem to be rich in the hand and maybe not as rich in the mind, I guess it’s twooo completely different, I mean who I am is who I am born to be, Its like you see those that have a made life for them. uno married kids, driving and now owns a house, the same ones that you grew up with and them you once shared food with, Don’t seem to want to give you a lift up. They cannot offer you a phone call a lift up. And then I get another moment it told me that okay do you really want these people to lift you up?

that is something you must ask yourself, we could and I could sit here watching my phone and nothing coming through. Or I could sit at my desk throwing out some designs and creating art writing on my blog, And think of games to play and outings  for my son. Sometimes lonely times make you feel like the outcast or the child in primary school that all of a sudden has a lurgy bug and they want to run away from you, Or they want to just visit you to say what they have.  yeeha aaa. It’s all hormonal and it will pass for tomorrow. Its like this you are either privileged with it all or privileged with nothing.

Looking at my reality 

I have engaged in Art projects around Nottingham and willing to push further out into the East Midlands region. My art form personally is poetry and jewellery design but I can see myself being more of a mixed visual experimental artist. I have a wider outstanding experience in the industry I have always wanted to be a part of. I have had academic set backs during school and college due to my dyslexia that was diagnosed in university and English and maths academia. If I was to go back through the system I would ask the teacher certain questions but I understand that they are working to live and the school is only standing on passing grades but most things they teach has nothing to do with life skills. Our kids bust their brains learning things that will never help them get a job or how to be confident. Children are taught how to be quite. For convenience of others. Children are not supposed to be that quiet. They are meant to be what their age is. They are quickly suppressed then we get suicidal, secretive angry teenagers who have been told to shut up and respect the orders. How are they supposed to repect when respect has not been shown. It’s frustrating that I feel a lot freer now. The people who have respect for me and my work or help I would never imagine in a hundred years. I believe that a child should grasp as much of the world as it’s mind can digest the school system does not make the minds eat real knowledge. It forces paper and rules down their mouth. Rules are OK as long as they don’t demean the person. 

Woman’s international day!!! 

That woman 

Who saw more pain

In the world than In

Herself 

That woman who tried to 

Fix back a broken vase

As a child because she did not 

Want a telling off

She wanted it to look perfect

She never knew that she would 

Become an anxious woman 

That just felt the need to fix everything around 

Her. 

She sought to fix people 

Even the ones who snapped her 

Like a pencil 

As fragile as she became to herself 

She still managed to be strong 

For others

She would splutt words of kindness 

Words of life

Spin up concoctions of teas and food

She would hold on to the wounds 

In the pits of hands

Clean up the very sick from 

The spew on your clothes 

Make sure you look presentable 

Her face didn’t scarn you once. 

They had stepped all over her good 

Nature created weeds in her garden 

And she created life with those weeds. 

Finding nemo

We in a world 

Where being fearless 

Takes money from the big man’s 

Wallet. 

Being fearful makes other people think 

You need their fear placed upon 

You for protection. 

Fear is a blocking state of mind

It works for or against you. 

No fear the same but a man who is 

Fearless is frowned upon. 

He is seen as a rebel because he is not 

Sitting back waiting for a 

Miracle to appear 

He realises that he is the miracle 

Who will appear to himself. 

The stars

They sit in the sky

they don’t twinkle

like they said they do

they just shine

its strange because

how does space

result to sky

how can we simply see

the stars with the naked eye

why are all the stars lit up

like they all have some kinda

power inside

I mean all these questions floating

and the answer is that

they are rocks that

have a mass of floating atmosphere by them

how do the stars stay in the sky

why are we not afraid of them falling

how comes the birds can’t fly to space

well I guess it is something to do with the

ozone layer

So many questions

and I best find the answer

coz I have a 2 year old who can’t stop asking

why.

 

 

 

It is okay no man can judge me

I don’t go
to Church
No I don’t sit in church
I don’t say no if I am
invited for an event
but that isn’t the house
of God
to me, it’s a counceling house
I see people who see people
who can see-through people
who testify infront of people
feeling safe in this house
but when they leave they
are judged by the same
people they feel safe with
in the house of God
those same people deter me from
sitting infront aside behind
else where
do you kno why
coz god sees me Naked in my house
God knows my worst nightmares
God knows me.

minds are more than minds and whom ever
sees through me
or acts as a child of God
or practices
hasn’t practised
enough

They have not seen the brusies
felt the pain
but for some reason I feel most
people I know’s pain
is that God working in
me.
I belive it is
I don’t see God smiing in church
I see God smiling within me