Why tho init

Why tho init

Why oh why

Can’t I get my self together

Slightly rightly tightly

Politely inspiringly

But I am tired.

Single mom syndrome

Nope don’t agree erm

You are doing very well they say

From the outside looking in

When you well and kno

Sometimes it feels like you are doing

An awful job. I mean you can’t even get ya sen dressed not looking nice

Only just pulled ya socks on and

Out the door dodge mirrors and say we are ok things are looking up.

You send child to nursery and walk along the road side see homeless and wish you were Superhero.

Don’t worry child things will get better.

Feeling intuned with many things minds popping because material things are just another skin, another you.

Whilst these things are not accessible you learn the skin your in I guess for me I learn more from being without and slowly becoming comfortable. The whole you are doing well is not helpful sometimes that I want to be invisible like my single mother status does not define me. It’s a fact and maybe all I kno. I guess this society sees this as a negative thing I see it slightly especially if something was to happen to me and my son and their is no one to come and protect us. When I hear coupled people going through something like needing help from the partners I’ve learned to not hold malice and just except that, it is a privilege that they have a family unite. Being a single parent you have to be both masculine and feminine and I have felt like I have been forgetting my feminine energy their for not attracting anyone as such. This writing has gone everywhere but I guess writing in the real world isn’t all calm and smooth.

Trying to plan and organise

Trying to plan and organise

So 3:45 am baby coughing me awake. Baby please take water I say and the response is “No”. OK so now I am awake alarm ready to greet my morning as have set up a morning routine for waking up early and getting ready all by 8am. I have done the getting ready and out of the door.But have not done the whole routine, so now that I am fully awake why not. It consists of a little exercise and me having time to myself completely to be able to wake up and relax, get ready, glam up and look and feel my best. Also to possibly get some work done as this could be a good start to creating a new positive habit.

Realisationing

Realisationing

I have come to or coming to some sort of realisationing,  that you can’t force an understanding upon  somone if they are not willing to. Open their  eyes and ears to see that differences do exist. And occur in our reality and that not everyone will understand.  What they can see on their level of understanding. I have had arguments with people simply because they seem to force the reality of their own that has no progress to change in this environment that we are living in and especially mine. Then I try to understand for why am I getting frustrated when I already no what I do and it’s OK just for me to keep my mouth shut and listen. Erm well I find it hard to. It’s like telling your stomach that you have not eaten crap food and no it will not hurt ur stomach at all! In denial of the fact that no matter how much we try to prevent the world from crumbling and stop people from hurting dying and killing no matter how much we pray or give money. We are not incontrol. Maybe incontrol of a percentage just of,  because we are not accepting that our thoughts are our reality. I have some kind of trying to reason that if we are able to manifest our reality then why are so many of us externalised in thought instead of internalised. This is because we are taught from a young age how to externalise inorder to recive such as share and be kind put people first. Not saying be inhumane but we are not taught in the westernised world that we need to internalise and understand self before other people. Like religion alot of it is outsourcing our prayers and idolising other humans this idolising is soooo Ancient and I can’t say too wrongs I am just trying to get an understanding without the end result being that. I need saving or read the Holy book. I offend alot of people with me not conforming and being one of them but I can’t understand where they are coming from.