Did I not cover up

Did I not cover up

Covering up things with other things

Hoping that other thing will be the thing to heal the other thing.

Like a band-aid or a plaster. You see a cut gets covered , I know it’s for health reasons, but some see it as out of mind out of sight. So we start to cover more stuff, with stuff to make the reality of something else feel numb.

Like pain we take painkillers, paracetamol and others. No one talks about the reason for the pain. It’s just go get a painkiller and that’s that. What happend to, let’s talk, why are you in pain? I am no doctor but my time could be apart of you healing. Like do you really need a painkiller or is it easier for me to say it and dismiss convo.

What happend to getting to the root of the problem. The world too quick to find the outcome that we forget the process needed to arrive to the outcome.

Some use drugs and drink to cover up the fact that we have to face reality every day. Is reality really that bad or is it our expectations are a lie that we have been taught to believe in. And that pain really does hurt like hell. It’s the reality in it not being a reality in the world that hurts. We don’t talk about hurt because it’s too real to notice that we are hurting so we hurt others to the point of it becoming normal. Hurt is normal and being happy is weird. Accepting life for what it is makes others weary of you.

 

I digress will return reached a blockage and not afraid to

Unprotected

Unprotected

The cuts and bruising

May heal with creams and band-aid

I’m not see-through

I’m not liquid

No flow

No transparencys.

My heart still bleeding still beating.

But it’s the mind

The mind

It needs protecting

Hugged loved held.

Right until heald.

But it’s the mind it’s intangible

You can’t see it you can’t touch it.

I just want you to listen because if you could see it.

It would have tears and scars and bruising.

You’d want to hold me.

I just can’t explain exactly how

The pain feels.

Them tears

Them tears

I forgot that you couldn’t cope with

Tears

But now look at me

I can’t feel your pain

No, I can’t

NO!

mention of how you

Really feel is letting off any type of Vybz.

I see you as a big stern concrete house

So strong and powerful.

And now I see you cry

I stand and watch over you

Those tears that are falling from your

Face splashing off the ground as soon as they fall.

I learnt how to not hold you.

And I think I learnt that from you.

Your tears fall

When my tears fell you stood up and watched me, you did not know how

The wrench inside of my stomach felt

As though my insides wanted to disregard me the way you made me feel I get it you felt helpless but all I needed was a hug.

You

Taught

Me

How

To

Not

Feel anything

For

You

How do you grieve 

How do you grieve 

I asked how do you do this 

To the space of silence 

Waiting for the one woman who could 

Answer this question 

But no answer received as she lay 

Down eyes closed lifeless 

Empty bodied nothing but the image 

Of the lively person Was all I knew. 

How do I live with out you. 

How 

Because all my life I was always around you. 

You were my nana and it’s taken me ages to place you in passed tense, because saying was felt like I was disrespecting you, I mean you are a ‘you are’. 

In reality you are a was and I can’t get my head around this. I can imagine the things that you say and do. And you aren’t doing them now. 

What kind of reality are we living in. You are really not here. Some try to say that you are looking down on us that you are close by. 

I have you in my heart just didn’t prepare myself for not being able to see you again. 
I love you nana x