Learning things

Learning things

Sometimes we take on situations that are not ours to take on. Things that have nothing to do with us. All on the part of being loyal. So biggest part of my life was being nice. Listening loving helping. Just a thought was it loving or just saving did I or do I want to save people from themselves and then if it upset somone else I end up juggling who should be saved now really who. Now that I clearly understand I am not a superhero for sure but deep down in my mind I had this vision that, that person can now smile be free. I just didn’t learn to think for myself and gp with the full heart regardless of who it hurts. I guess it’s the pure fact of being present for somone else in expense of it hurting somone else. Coz if you stop doing what you felt right to do in order to be a person pleaser. That person who wanted you to change has now nothing to benifit you so you are on your own now. Making a juggling show of pleasing until the show is on you.

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Lil boy apologies

Lil boy apologies

He said he  was sorry

Sorry for being upset crying

Having tears racing down his face.

He’s so sorry that he wasn’t as strong as a super hero.

I said son, tears allow you to have strength, because without it superheroes won’t be able to smile.

Each smile saves the day. Strength is not shown only by muscle but the ability to cry and understand that it’s OK.

 

2017

2017

2017

The year I lost my nana

Felt what fear, loss and love really felt like.

Faced my nan and held her hands tight.

But, for the first time she couldn’t hear me right.

Didn’t see her smile or feel her breathing.

Saw death for the first time.

Was my nana laying there.

No more work for you to do nana

You can lay there and rest now,

No more pain nana

It’s strange to me to not hear your voice.

Right now it’s but apart of my imagination.

I knew I’d be facing this reality one day. Just didn’t kno how much pain really feels.

I used to miss people but that now seems like a joke to me coz I can still see those people but I can never see you again.

The day you passed away I walked into your house and all I could smell was you. X

 

 

Darkness is better than the light

Darkness is better than the light

They say darkness is a bad place

A sad place

A mad place

The creepy place

The evil place

What if you turned it upside down.

I say the light is a strange place

An open space

The mad place

A sad place

A creepy place.

It’s a place where all is aware.

As of the darkness it’s where I found myself. In the state of realisation and silence no one around me but my

Thoughts grew in abundance.

Trying to climb out of stretch out of reach of jump out of.

The darkness.

Which in the end was but a reflection of myself that I was taught was bad.

Sometimes you seek self In unfamiliar ways.

Your light may be found in the darkness. Where your darkness may be found within the light.

 

Why tho init

Why tho init

Why oh why

Can’t I get my self together

Slightly rightly tightly

Politely inspiringly

But I am tired.

Single mom syndrome

Nope don’t agree erm

You are doing very well they say

From the outside looking in

When you well and kno

Sometimes it feels like you are doing

An awful job. I mean you can’t even get ya sen dressed not looking nice

Only just pulled ya socks on and

Out the door dodge mirrors and say we are ok things are looking up.

You send child to nursery and walk along the road side see homeless and wish you were Superhero.

Don’t worry child things will get better.

Feeling intuned with many things minds popping because material things are just another skin, another you.

Whilst these things are not accessible you learn the skin your in I guess for me I learn more from being without and slowly becoming comfortable. The whole you are doing well is not helpful sometimes that I want to be invisible like my single mother status does not define me. It’s a fact and maybe all I kno. I guess this society sees this as a negative thing I see it slightly especially if something was to happen to me and my son and their is no one to come and protect us. When I hear coupled people going through something like needing help from the partners I’ve learned to not hold malice and just except that, it is a privilege that they have a family unite. Being a single parent you have to be both masculine and feminine and I have felt like I have been forgetting my feminine energy their for not attracting anyone as such. This writing has gone everywhere but I guess writing in the real world isn’t all calm and smooth.

Happiness turning into a Taboo?

Happiness turning into a Taboo?

Could you please put the sun out

When it’s meant to be winter and make it rain when it’s too hot

Make my job pay me to sit around.

Make expensive clothes cheaper.

Let me forget the fact that this designer peice has been created by the hands of a child, similar age to my son.

Let my eyes not care because this world well I’m sort of invisible so let’s be viable. Let me not pay taxes and eat a load of food for free!

Not ideal but there are some people who expect things to be just easy. With things being easy means not caring for other people in order for it to be easy for you it must be harder for someone else. Something or someone has to suffer in expencr for it to be easy.

This isn’t my reality, but we live in a culture where everyone moans about the things that are unessasry and expect to do nothing. In order to gain the world