How do you grieve 

How do you grieve 

I asked how do you do this 

To the space of silence 

Waiting for the one woman who could 

Answer this question 

But no answer received as she lay 

Down eyes closed lifeless 

Empty bodied nothing but the image 

Of the lively person Was all I knew. 

How do I live with out you. 

How 

Because all my life I was always around you. 

You were my nana and it’s taken me ages to place you in passed tense, because saying was felt like I was disrespecting you, I mean you are a ‘you are’. 

In reality you are a was and I can’t get my head around this. I can imagine the things that you say and do. And you aren’t doing them now. 

What kind of reality are we living in. You are really not here. Some try to say that you are looking down on us that you are close by. 

I have you in my heart just didn’t prepare myself for not being able to see you again. 
I love you nana x 

Actually

Actually

Dust fell on top

of my left eyelid

it was light but somewhat heavy

it felt like how we mystify the stars

in the sky when they are really rocks

or the soft falling of snow

that freezes your eyeball

no It felt somewhat comforting

uno a piece of speckly dust

that chose to fall on my eye

unlike sitting on the bus or

the tram with an empty space

beside of me

watching people dodge the seat or

sit down only because….

but this speck of dust chose me.

sounds strange but we miss the things

that now seem unimportant to us

in exchange for the things that are really

not that important to us.

we can dismiss the falling of the leaves

and the coming of new leaves

just like we forget what we had to do

in order to make a weeks lunch for

the family.

I guess we should write our down comings

so we don’t forget how human we are

trying to be inhuman and not knowing

how to cope in a world that expects us to be

superhuman like the films we binge watch

trying to create a world that is only for the screen

and when the film finishes

put the news on.

And then

And then

reality kicks in

the war is still on and no

I cannot see no superhuman hero

flying in the sky

saving those dying kids

putting out that fire

fighting those baddies

argghhh Baddies if only

what we put our most into

What

served us its time.

time spent in an unrealistic

world.

 

WOTS IT LIKE THEN

WOTS IT LIKE THEN

Wot is it lyke then

uno wots inside ur head

or your mind

erm your cranium

hmm awkward I thought

is this more difficult

for you

asking the question

or for me trying to find the

suitable answer

hmmm

nope you interest me even more

watching you twindle through

words and terminologies

you feel most comfortable saying

in this most uncomfortable conversation which

has just been quashed out of uncomfortable

silences

I mean as if you would sit comfortable

knowing

word for word vision for vision exactly what

is in my head.

it’s like opening someone’s secret diary

or listening in on a phone call.

picking brains with toothpicks

but I will warn you don’t feel

to comfortable asking such

questions and expecting mediocre responses

 

 

 

 

what obstecals do we face

what obstecals do we face

what obstacles do you face?

we face things like self-doubt

self hate

we put words in our minds

and swear someone else has said it

we look into the mirror

and sigh each time coz that person

looking back is the only one

that can keep us down

I guess it’s when we can’t look into

our own reflection

well for me its familiarising

myself from the one I think I look like

from the inside or is it the other way around?

It’s the use of negative language that has become

so natural

it’s not being able to celebrate self in case others

feel away.

it’s saying sorry for your happiness as though it’s

a curse.

It’s building up imaginary blocks

imagining yourself climbing it

no Imagining yourself not climbing it

because you are far too afraid of falling

and having to get back up again.

Looking at my reality 

Looking at my reality 

I have engaged in Art projects around Nottingham and willing to push further out into the East Midlands region. My art form personally is poetry and jewellery design but I can see myself being more of a mixed visual experimental artist. I have a wider outstanding experience in the industry I have always wanted to be a part of. I have had academic set backs during school and college due to my dyslexia that was diagnosed in university and English and maths academia. If I was to go back through the system I would ask the teacher certain questions but I understand that they are working to live and the school is only standing on passing grades but most things they teach has nothing to do with life skills. Our kids bust their brains learning things that will never help them get a job or how to be confident. Children are taught how to be quite. For convenience of others. Children are not supposed to be that quiet. They are meant to be what their age is. They are quickly suppressed then we get suicidal, secretive angry teenagers who have been told to shut up and respect the orders. How are they supposed to repect when respect has not been shown. It’s frustrating that I feel a lot freer now. The people who have respect for me and my work or help I would never imagine in a hundred years. I believe that a child should grasp as much of the world as it’s mind can digest the school system does not make the minds eat real knowledge. It forces paper and rules down their mouth. Rules are OK as long as they don’t demean the person. 

The codfaced man

The codfaced man

He the man with the codfaced
he the man with it in his hand
he is crying for world domination
and his people fall to the ground
scared for the land that don’t belong to
them Lets makes America great again
get out those chains
slavery was abolished but not
in the minds of the non-coloured man
this man they call president does not stand for all man

but in a time like  his frowns will
soon slice his forehead open
for he cries under the dresses of his
wife
she may as well go back to where she come from
like many none melinated folk
living the American dream

The one where they took sale

stole from other lands in order to control

and kill people with more melanin than his

to make America GREAT again he means

get rid of the ink that adds life to the

blank pages of history

he means

get rid of the ink that adds life to

the pages in history

I mean scrap the paper keep the ink

keep the trees the land

keep the  blood of life

You will soon see the spirits of the bodies

hanging in the tree on his papers

hanging in the trees on his doorsteps

He banning Muslims like they are the only

problem? he has

no many a problem and they aren’t one of them

It is okay no man can judge me

It is okay no man can judge me

I don’t go
to Church
No I don’t sit in church
I don’t say no if I am
invited for an event
but that isn’t the house
of God
to me, it’s a counceling house
I see people who see people
who can see-through people
who testify infront of people
feeling safe in this house
but when they leave they
are judged by the same
people they feel safe with
in the house of God
those same people deter me from
sitting infront aside behind
else where
do you kno why
coz god sees me Naked in my house
God knows my worst nightmares
God knows me.

minds are more than minds and whom ever
sees through me
or acts as a child of God
or practices
hasn’t practised
enough

They have not seen the brusies
felt the pain
but for some reason I feel most
people I know’s pain
is that God working in
me.
I belive it is
I don’t see God smiing in church
I see God smiling within me