That thing they call gratitude 

That thing they call gratitude 

So lately I have been looking at the thing called gratitude. I have been reading and watching YouTube videos. I am trying to look more within because my surroundings lack self-confidence, motivation and knowledge. It also lacks empathy. I have natural empathy but It’s been unable to flow freely as people find it easy to offload and not listen to my own problems. In reading about mindfulness gratitude it has helped me to see the problems I may think are there and see what good is there. I guess stress is more reciprocated than happiness. I just want to be able to smile without feeling guilty of even having a smile. I want to cry and not have to apologise for making someone feel uncomfortable. Want to sing out loud and wear what I want. I want to give up eating meat it makes me feel like ugh but I eat what is in front of me and what I know. So I have not put my own self-love boundaries and worth out there but I am working on it. Through writing my gratitude Daily I am appreciating the small things that I miss out through materialism and being impatient and being angry or trying to impress.

My looking into myself has given me the permission to understand my flaws and accept also to allow myself to not feel a guilt of feeling how I do. And to catch myself going out of line. And trying to see how people view me whether right or wrong.

Thoughts of gratitude mixed up with self-love for me is knowing my body. Like I am looking after a child. How do I do this well I am aware of what not to eat but I am not disciplined enough to eliminate things because I am conditioned and used to what I know. I have to work on the unknowing in order for me to have a healthy interior and exterior. My guilty thing is eating chicken and dairy still it Messes up my IBS. but I am grateful for the food that is presented and provided to me I guess I have to prepare my own food and have self-discipline.

Since I have started my gratitude journaling I have realised that my energy has not been so negative rather positive and uplifting. It’s taking myself to understand what is often misunderstood and covered up with egos. Yet I am able to see through people as well I am seeing clearer but not just seeing the bad or the good but the in-between. It’s having the silence to see what is happening over being too noisy and confrontational.

Ima

Ima

Ima

single parent

by the choice

that I made

when I accepted a

joy ride

in the night hood

but Ima

a single parent

because I stood by

the choice

I made faced the consequences

faced the consequences

to stand by my child for the

rest of the life

I have given on this earth

but

ima single mum

that second thinks

what she is doing is correct.

thinks when is someone going to

call my phone knock on the door

ask me to come out.

single mum that runs errands like

the earth will one day explode and vanish

Think’s more about tomorrow than today

because we still gotta eat tomorrow

and what we have today we can make

do with.

The single mom

that holds her own and

does not promote

being a single mom.

you know I am trying to

prepare my speech to why

his dad isn’t here.

Son well me and your dad

simply were not meant to be

together

but you was meant to be here

and like

erm

well I tried I really did

I do not want to slate your dad

but hears a number call him sometime