Them tears we keep hiding
Will one day burst through the banks
Like a rawing lion
Big and couragess they fall out of your eyes, they flood your face,
Your heart empties out the pain you held in. Because it can’t hold it in
The tears have a place and it’s not stuck inside.
Cry and cry and cry sometimes be it happy tears or sad tears.
It’s OK to feel human, some emotions have no words but actions.
Imagine all that understanding of your self was more important than gossip and what’s on the tv. More important than just putting anything into it like a garbage bin. Imagine that you cared for your body and protected it like a religious person protects their beliefs. Imagine how you could actively protect your own belongings and that’s you. We protect babies and not ourselves like we just give up. I get myself In trouble for protecting myself. Even the information and people’s presence can get in. Our bodies are the only ones we have. It’s so easy to project care onto objects and things that can occupy the space in our minds. With things that don’t really matter. Sometimes I get curious why putting on my makeup wrongly does not get to me at all. I just rub it off and reapply. I am a mother who doesn’t have the time to glam up. Working on it but it’s not too important. This could get me angry and upset when it’s just an eye brow. My time is best spent focusing on something I kno needs my time. We need to kno what our time is spent on whether it’s wasted time or productive time. I waste time on social media that is only if I am not doing anything productive. That is my guilty pleasure I guess. Depends how you define that.
(will be writing more)
So lately I have been looking at the thing called gratitude. I have been reading and watching YouTube videos. I am trying to look more within because my surroundings lack self-confidence, motivation and knowledge. It also lacks empathy. I have natural empathy but It’s been unable to flow freely as people find it easy to offload and not listen to my own problems. In reading about mindfulness gratitude it has helped me to see the problems I may think are there and see what good is there. I guess stress is more reciprocated than happiness. I just want to be able to smile without feeling guilty of even having a smile. I want to cry and not have to apologise for making someone feel uncomfortable. Want to sing out loud and wear what I want. I want to give up eating meat it makes me feel like ugh but I eat what is in front of me and what I know. So I have not put my own self-love boundaries and worth out there but I am working on it. Through writing my gratitude Daily I am appreciating the small things that I miss out through materialism and being impatient and being angry or trying to impress.
My looking into myself has given me the permission to understand my flaws and accept also to allow myself to not feel a guilt of feeling how I do. And to catch myself going out of line. And trying to see how people view me whether right or wrong.
Thoughts of gratitude mixed up with self-love for me is knowing my body. Like I am looking after a child. How do I do this well I am aware of what not to eat but I am not disciplined enough to eliminate things because I am conditioned and used to what I know. I have to work on the unknowing in order for me to have a healthy interior and exterior. My guilty thing is eating chicken and dairy still it Messes up my IBS. but I am grateful for the food that is presented and provided to me I guess I have to prepare my own food and have self-discipline.
Since I have started my gratitude journaling I have realised that my energy has not been so negative rather positive and uplifting. It’s taking myself to understand what is often misunderstood and covered up with egos. Yet I am able to see through people as well I am seeing clearer but not just seeing the bad or the good but the in-between. It’s having the silence to see what is happening over being too noisy and confrontational.